Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The allied forces have had a weak defense with "Operation Erthromycin" that has left few Zitfidel causualities, but stings the eyes nightly.
This morning ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to announce that there seems to be some allied advancement on the northern side of the war. The Zitfidels seem to be slowly retreating from the "forehead" region, and the northern side of the face appears to be clearing. There is some concern that they are regrouping on the southern side of Sarah's chin to plan a new attack, but we're going to take this one day at a time people.
Until next time, this is Zitty McZiterton reporting from the war on Sarah's face.
Monday, September 29, 2008
What's that? You're grossed out despite the fact that I promised this would be an honest blog about pregnancy? Well I can't hear you because my ears are full of WAX!
Rant 1: who in the fuck in this country is eating sweet relish? Seriously people! Whenever I'm out and about and want to enjoy relish with my meal, it's always sweet relish in the little packets of fury. I've never met a single person who likes sweet relish and yet I can't find a packet of dill to save my life. My freaking grocery store near my house has 15 kinds of sweet relish but NO dill. Blow me Ralphs Fresh Fare.
Rant 2: Hey Abercrombie, I get it. You sell perfume and cologne. Now can you please stop piping it out of your freaking tacky ass store so that I can walk by without dry heaving in to the planter in front of Macys? Does the overwhelming stench of donkey balls that you call perfume/cologne actually entice anyone to come in to the store and buy it? Oh wait, that's right, the people buying it are the same people who let their 6 year old daughters wear the thongs you created a few years ago. I forgot.
PS, Abercrombie, you're the anti-christ.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
While seeing the kiddo was cool, the REALLY cool part came after the appointment! We were on the elevator and it stopped on another floor. The doors opened and right in front of us is the FREAKING KID FROM LOST WHO PLAYS WALTER!!!!! He ended up not getting on the elevator because him mom wasn't ready yet (whatever Walter, we saw the show - your mom died from cancer like 2 seasons ago). It's probably a good thing because Troy would have likely held him up against the wall until he spilled all the secrets from the show. But then a polar bear or a smoke monster would have probably eaten us.
Back in the car, Troy and I had a serious conversation about going back and offering to trade him our baby for the secrets of the show.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Pounds gained to date: -4.50 lbs. That's right bitches, I gained .25 lbs!
Weeks until my next appointment: 3 weeks, 2 days
How I am feeling (on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being "dear god, I feel like walking death"): .25. Despite a wee bit of a set back yesterday morning (I won't go in to it, but it involved the expulsion of juice), it's been a great week so far!
Monday, September 22, 2008
He fought bravely. To the right is how I picture him in the last few days.
So, here is an ode to Chip Chip from those who loved him:
Chip Chip, you brought joy to our lives
You showed us your love, and you showed us your might
We love you even though you liked to chew on the gutters at night
You made us laugh as you jumped from tree to tree
I think I laughed so hard once I had to pee.
Even though you ate my ONLY ripe orange last year, I couldn't stay made at you
Troy and I will miss you - you were one of the good few.
I'm being no means a professional poet, but you have to admit - the above is freaking gold.
Troy called the clinic on Saturday and they said his back legs might be paralyzed. They're waiting until today or tomorrow to check on his progress and determine next steps. If he's not paralyzed, they'll be able to rehabilitate him. If he is, they're going to have to put him to sleep.
Hearing about the possibility of putting him to sleep, made me think about what squirrel heaven would be like. Clearly, it's full of trees to climb and jump on, no cats, fresh tomatoes and strawberries everywhere, and of course 1,000 Troy's who will sit on the stairs, feed you peanuts, and "talk" to you for about 10 minutes about your day. Yep, Troy knows squirrel. You weren't aware?
Friday, September 19, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I was at work late tonight because of an event and thought I was going to avoid puking. Nope, as soon as I got home I had to let is loose. After that super sweet event, I looked in the mirror and blood was streaming down my face towards my eye.
I inspected it more closely and realized that I puked SO hard that I caused a zit to start bleeding. Troy saw the aftermath - it was brutal.
I warned you that it was gross and you kept reading. You have no one but yourself to blame! I promise this will be an honest blog about pregnancy. We don't all look like Angelina people.
And Erica, the belly photo will come tomorrow my dear. I was occupied last night by a fantastic book and had to be at work late tonight. Plus we have our 12 week appointment tomorrow and it will just be easier to post everything all at once.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
If you haven't seen Wipeout, it's the American version of MXP which is an Asian (Japanese?) game show where people do hilarious things that often result in a direct hit to the balls. So, apparently pancakes and laughing my ass off is the magic formula!
I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend! I'm going to be watching 4 year olds play soccer tomorrow (I'm already giggling at the thought of it) and then having brunch with a few friends.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
How I am feeling (on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being "dear god, I feel like walking death"): .5. Even with the throwing up, this week is starting off much better than last week!
My face is so broken out that I feel 13. And a lovely side effect of the pregnancy acne is that after being huge, red, and nasty for about a week, the "blemishes" (that word sounds too nice for what they are) turn black. Yes, black. So, not only do I look like a topographical map of the Cascade Mountain range, but I'm also announcing to the world that I'm slowly rotting from the inside starting on my face.
I went to a dermatologist last week for some help. Below is a transcript of the appointment (I mean, as far as I can remember):
Dermatologist: yes, I can see why you're frustrated Sarah, those are some red marks! But, I can't prescribe anything in the pill form for you.
Sarah: Ok, is there anything you can give me that will help?
Dermatologist: Yes, but there are some side effects...
Sarah: Like it will hurt my baby?
Dermatologist: No, worse!
Sarah: Worse that hurting my baby? What could it be doc?
Dermatologist: I don't know how to say this, so I'll have to say it in medical terms. The only topical cream that I can give you smells like Big Foot's nuts.
Sarah: (look of horror)
Dermatologist: And even though it stinks and makes your face look like you're wearing a beard of bees, it might not help in the end.
Sarah: so, you can write me a prescription for that today? Thanks
That is pretty much how I remember the appointment going. The doctor might have a slightly different point of view though...
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I 100% blame this on the deli by my work being out of baked potatoes and forcing my hand at ordering minestrone. Suck it Courtyard Cafe! I'm glad Subway is going in next to you and will likely run you out of business. Guess you shouldn't have been out of baked potatoes huh? Assholes.
We went over my bloodwork from a few weeks ago and I'm proud to say that I'm not starting this pregnancy out anemic! I also don't have syphilis, so that is a HUGE load off of my mind...=D
The best part about keeping the appointment was that we got to hear the heartbeat on the doppler! She said it was around 160 which is perfect for me being 11 weeks. At my 7 week appointment it was around 134, so the Goonie is going strong. I thought I heard a little wheezing in the breathing, so Troy will have to show the Goonie when it's born how to use an inhaler...=D
While we were waiting 45 freaking minutes for the doctor, we came up with names for a boy or girl. For a boy, we've chosen "Dragon Hawk", and for a lady Goonie, we're going with "Troyina". Not sure about a middle name for Troyina yet, but Dragon is the first name and Hawk is the middle name.
I realize these might seem a little weird to all of you, but we're in Los Angeles the land of crazy names!*
Also, I'm stuck at work until about 10 pm tonight, so I'll post my 11 week belly photo tomorrow. Cause I know you're all at the edge of your freaking seats right now.
*For anyone who thinks I'm serious about these names needs to learn to read sarcasm!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
I was on my way over to my super amazing friend Anne's house for dinner, and I got a phone call from her house. It was her (almost) 5 year old Aidan. He wanted to know if my baby would rather watch Diego or Toy Story II. He had heard earlier from his mom that my baby can see and hear, but can't see outside my tummy. He thought it was sad for the baby to not be able to watch the movie with us.
Are you? Are you puking a rainbow yet? Isn't that seriously adorable?
And a special shout out to my favoritest niece Ashlyn Grace who turns 2 today! Special thanks to all of you who read this blog who said prayers for Ashy when she was a little baby. She had to have heart surgery around 2 months old and it was a very scary time. I'm pleased to announce that you couldn't tell that this little girl has ever had a cold let alone open heart surgery! She's a healthy little spitfire who brings joy to everyone she meets. I love you Ash!:::
So there I am in the Target toiletries section, and I could feel the Goonie getting ANGRY. I ran to the bathroom and proceeded to puke for a good 5 min. To be clear, a Jamba Juice is $4.70. WTF Goonie, momma is cheap!
I was feeling very pathetic and sorry for myself so I sent Troy a pitiful text: "babe, I just puked up my Jamba Juice at Target. That was a special kind of nasty". His response: "Sorry boo, you really did puke a rainbow". Puking a rainbow is one of my favorite terms EVER to describe something cute. So, Troy is right, I finally made my favorite saying true.
The rest of the day I felt icky, but to avoid Troy's wrath when he got home from work (joke), I still managed to clean the house. I have a new system: lay on the couch like a whiny mess and watch TV. At commercial I have to get up and clean something. It takes forever to do dishes or vacuum, but it keeps me from getting too sick. Well...that and the chicken corn dogs and ice cream sandwiches I had for lunch...
Thursday, September 4, 2008
So, apparently if I drug my way through the first trimester, I'll be golden. So that's my plan.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I can't believe it's been 7 weeks and 1 day since we found out that we had been blessed with the Goonie. Time has totally flown!
Week 10 stats:
Pounds gained to date: still down -1 lbs (this is Los Angeles everyone. No baby can make ME fat!)
Monday, September 1, 2008
One of my bestest friends and former roommate Megan, nicknamed Troy "Super boyfriend", "Super fiance" and "Super husband" during the various stages of Troy and my relationship. She hit the nail on the freaking head.
Today he was bored and took a walk up to the mall. During his mall time, he received the following text conversation:
Whiny PG lady: "Hey babe, will you bring me a smoothie from Coral Tree Cafe at the food court? The one with peaches".
Whiny PG lady: "Oh, and some of their vegetable soup please".
Super husband: "Of course sweetie".
Super husband: "They don't have the smoothies".
(insert me crying on the couch)
Super husband: "How about Pinkberry"?
Whiny PG lady: "Ohhhhhh, yay! The Pinkberry smoothie".
I forgot to tell Troy there is an actual smoothie CALLED the Pinkberry smoothie, so bless his heart why he tried to figure that one out.
If you look closely, you can see his halo.
UPDATE (6:36 pm): why he's even more awesome. After lugging home the veggie soup, he didn't even question the fact that I only wanted the broth...