Welcome to Week 14 - AKA bump be gone week

Week 14 stats:

Pounds gained to date: -8. I stepped on the scale tonight and saw 140 lbs and I believe "holy shit, fuck, damn" came out of my mouth. Unless you lose 15+ lbs, the doctor isn't worried. I'm not worried, but I feel like I'm hungry.

Weeks until my next appointment: 3 weeks, 2 days (same count as last week - I think I was off)

How I am feeling (on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being "dear god, I feel like walking death"): .25. I've thrown up a few times over the last few days, but the acne seems to be going away a little so I overall things are good.

PS. Where did my bump go?

Report from the front lines!

News bulletin: this is a special news report from the front line of the war on Sarah's face. As you might remember, about 9 weeks ago, the acne terrorist camp "Zitfidels" attacked the facial region to the north and south - identified on this map as the "forehead and chin area". Since then, they have spread to the east and west (cheeks and jaw line) in a series of carefully orchestrated attacks over the last few weeks.

The allied forces have had a weak defense with "Operation Erthromycin" that has left few Zitfidel causualities, but stings the eyes nightly.

This morning ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to announce that there seems to be some allied advancement on the northern side of the war. The Zitfidels seem to be slowly retreating from the "forehead" region, and the northern side of the face appears to be clearing. There is some concern that they are regrouping on the southern side of Sarah's chin to plan a new attack, but we're going to take this one day at a time people.

Until next time, this is Zitty McZiterton reporting from the war on Sarah's face.

A crazy PG side effect and a rant (well 2 rants)

Ok, so I've noticed in the last few weeks that my ears have a ton of wax in them - like way more than normal.

What's that? You're grossed out despite the fact that I promised this would be an honest blog about pregnancy? Well I can't hear you because my ears are full of WAX!

Rant 1: who in the fuck in this country is eating sweet relish? Seriously people! Whenever I'm out and about and want to enjoy relish with my meal, it's always sweet relish in the little packets of fury. I've never met a single person who likes sweet relish and yet I can't find a packet of dill to save my life. My freaking grocery store near my house has 15 kinds of sweet relish but NO dill. Blow me Ralphs Fresh Fare.

Rant 2: Hey Abercrombie, I get it. You sell perfume and cologne. Now can you please stop piping it out of your freaking tacky ass store so that I can walk by without dry heaving in to the planter in front of Macys? Does the overwhelming stench of donkey balls that you call perfume/cologne actually entice anyone to come in to the store and buy it? Oh wait, that's right, the people buying it are the same people who let their 6 year old daughters wear the thongs you created a few years ago. I forgot.

PS, Abercrombie, you're the anti-christ.

Potential wieners, Downs testing, and the kid from Lost!

Wow, busy and exciting day today! We went to do the NT scan for Down Syndrome today. Regardless of the results it won't change our decision to love this little Goonie, but it's best to be prepared and read up in case of chromosomal abnormalities.

The test involves a blood test and an ultrasound that measures the width of the babies' neck and checks for some evidence of a nose and bridge of the nose (between Troy and I, the kid will have a honker) . The ultrasound looked great and the doc said our baby is "beautiful". DUH! Now we just wait for the blood test results to come back in a few weeks and we're golden.

The nurse did a preliminary ultrasound before the doctor came in and we got to see the Goonie for about 5 minutes. While I'm sure it is gorgeous out of the womb, it looks a bit like Gollum from Lord of the Rings on the ultrasound screen! At one point the nurse asked if we wanted to know the gender (we said yes). She said she *thought* she saw a wee little wiener. At this fetal age, penises and vaginas look pretty similar, but both Troy and I saw a little wangle in the Goonie's dangle. At one point, we tried to get a better look between the legs and Goonie straight up put it's hands over it's crotch. Poor thing, a modest child will not do well in our house. The same house that celebrates "pants off o'clock" around 7 pm. We'll know for sure at 20 weeks (early Nov) if the Goonie is a Goonie, or a Lady Goonie.

Goonie also was jumping around and swatting at the area in front of it's face. We saw on the 3D ultrasound that the umbilical cord is right in FRONT of it's face so we think it's trying to swat it out of the way. Whenever the ultrasound tech pushed in with the ultrasound wand, Goonie would kick it's feet towards the top of my belly like "um, yah, if you could stop pushing on me that would be freaking great. And I'm going to need those TPS reports by 5:30. M'kay thanks". We saw some legs and while they looked long (like momma!), we didn't see any huge calves at this point.

For those of you who are reading this and don't know Troy and I in real life, you must be asking yourself "why does she keep mentioning calves"? Please see below for evidence that Troy was likely raised near a nuclear power plant. Those things aren't found in nature! We live in Los Angeles and 99% of the people who see them probably think Troy had his calves done. The fact that we could one day have a girl with those legs will pretty much guarantee us a little Olympian.

While seeing the kiddo was cool, the REALLY cool part came after the appointment! We were on the elevator and it stopped on another floor. The doors opened and right in front of us is the FREAKING KID FROM LOST WHO PLAYS WALTER!!!!! He ended up not getting on the elevator because him mom wasn't ready yet (whatever Walter, we saw the show - your mom died from cancer like 2 seasons ago). It's probably a good thing because Troy would have likely held him up against the wall until he spilled all the secrets from the show. But then a polar bear or a smoke monster would have probably eaten us.

Back in the car, Troy and I had a serious conversation about going back and offering to trade him our baby for the secrets of the show.

Holy shit balls, how did I get to week 13?

Week 13 stats:
Pounds gained to date: -4.50 lbs. That's right bitches, I gained .25 lbs!
Weeks until my next appointment: 3 weeks, 2 days
How I am feeling (on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being "dear god, I feel like walking death"): .25. Despite a wee bit of a set back yesterday morning (I won't go in to it, but it involved the expulsion of juice), it's been a great week so far!

Ok, so I was taking my belly photo (for you ERICA)

this week and I noticed something strange.

When I take it from one side, I have a wee bump. When I take it from the other side, it's gone.

T-Roy and I have discussed and determined I must be carrying the calves on my left side. That can be the only explanation for it! The photo to the left shows the bump (calves), the photo to the right shows that the bump is gone.

I know some of you have been worried about my eating because I can't keep much down and healthy food doesn't have much of a draw to me. But, I wanted to let you know that tonight I dined on legumes, wheat, dairy, and vegetables. It was wrapped in a lovely name that I call "the bean burrito" from Taco Bell. See, I can eat healthy stuff! Salads will come in time, I promise.

Speaking of healthy eating and weight gain, I've been told to gain between 25 and 30 lbs in total. I realize it's totally healthy for the baby, and that I'm 6 feet tall, but there is a small part of me that is secretly dreading the day I see "170+" on a scale. I started this at 148, so I'll be there at some point soon. I will never put the health of the Goonie at risk by NOT gaining weight. No one call CPS on me or anything!

I learned that the Goonie can start sucking it's thumb this week. A friend who is 4 days ahead of me also told me that they get fingerprints this week. So, our dreams of a fetal gang of pickpockets is sadly gone for the time being.

Thank you all for your comments, emails, and phone calls on Chip Chip. It really meant the world to Troy and I that 1) people don't think we're crazy for mourning a squirrel and 2) that you also seemed to feel our pain.

Enjoy your week everyone! I hope it is glorious.

PS, when I type this post, there are spaces and paragraphs. When I put it on the interwebs, they disappear. It's magic!

Rest in peace Chip Chip

Troy called and little Chip Chip will be put to sleep today. His legs are paralyzed and he won't recover. Troy was hoping to build a little wheelchair or something. I did a Google search for "handicapped Squirrel" and "Squirrel wheelchair" but couldn't find any plans.

He fought bravely. To the right is how I picture him in the last few days.

So, here is an ode to Chip Chip from those who loved him:



Chip Chip, you brought joy to our lives
You showed us your love, and you showed us your might
We love you even though you liked to chew on the gutters at night
You made us laugh as you jumped from tree to tree
I think I laughed so hard once I had to pee.
Even though you ate my ONLY ripe orange last year, I couldn't stay made at you
Troy and I will miss you - you were one of the good few.

I'm being no means a professional poet, but you have to admit - the above is freaking gold.

Chip Chip update

All, thanks for your prayers and concerns about Chip Chip, our poor little squirrel friend.

Troy called the clinic on Saturday and they said his back legs might be paralyzed. They're waiting until today or tomorrow to check on his progress and determine next steps. If he's not paralyzed, they'll be able to rehabilitate him. If he is, they're going to have to put him to sleep.

Hearing about the possibility of putting him to sleep, made me think about what squirrel heaven would be like. Clearly, it's full of trees to climb and jump on, no cats, fresh tomatoes and strawberries everywhere, and of course 1,000 Troy's who will sit on the stairs, feed you peanuts, and "talk" to you for about 10 minutes about your day. Yep, Troy knows squirrel. You weren't aware?

I'm going to be an attention whore for a bit

All, I'm going to be an attention whore for a second. I have to show off what my amazing friend Jennifer sent me in the mail:

She made everything (I picked out the animals), and she surprised me with the booties and hat. The animals are for the Goonie's eventual nursery. I need naming help for all the animals, so please feel free to submit a comment with a name suggestion!

The package couldn't have come at a better time. We got home tonight after Troy's doctor's appointment, and were getting ready to sit down and enjoy our dinner from the world's greatest sandwich place when I hear Troy scream and run out of the apartment.

A cat that belongs to our crazy neighbor Mary (who has like 19 cats) was attacking Chip Chip. Chip Chip is the squirrel who lives in the tree near our front door. Chip Chip has been a part of our Los Angeles life since we moved here - we even tried to get him in our Christmas card photo one year.

He loves to sit on the front stairs and wait for Troy to feed him peanuts (non-salted because diabetes and high sodium are already an issue in the US). He also loves to hang out in our garden and watch me tend to the plants. A few times I've been digging in the garden and will look over and see Chip Chip watching me and digging his own hole. He likes to plant peanuts amongst our tomato plants, and he loves to take a bite out of the juiciest tomato in the garden.

We drove Chip Chip in a cardboard box up to Malibu during rush hour to an animal sanctuary. We're hoping he's going to be ok. We're tempted to send the sanctuary a photo of Troy and I, and a ripe tomato to keep near his bedside. Please keep Chip Chip in your thoughts and prayers!

Happy 12 week birthday Goonie!

Week 12 stats:

Pounds gained to date: -4.75 lbs

Weeks until my next appointment: 4 weeks, 2 days

How I am feeling (on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being "dear god, I feel like walking death"): .75. I've been throwing up a lot, but seeing the Goonie today on the ultrasound was so awesome!

We went to the doctor today and got an awesome ultrasound! The new doctor is great, and we got to see the Goonie for about 5 minutes while she tried to get a great shot for a photo. We have one photo of Goonster doing a "fist pump", and another where it kept showing us it's butt/crossing it's legs. Very cute! Here is the best photo she got. Much clearer than the 7 week one where it just looked like a baby panda.

Grossest thing ever (don't read if squeamish)

Ok, so you know I've been puking a lot and you know I'm rocking some SWEET acne. Well today, the two worlds of awesomeness collided.

I was at work late tonight because of an event and thought I was going to avoid puking. Nope, as soon as I got home I had to let is loose. After that super sweet event, I looked in the mirror and blood was streaming down my face towards my eye.

I inspected it more closely and realized that I puked SO hard that I caused a zit to start bleeding. Troy saw the aftermath - it was brutal.

I warned you that it was gross and you kept reading. You have no one but yourself to blame! I promise this will be an honest blog about pregnancy. We don't all look like Angelina people.

And Erica, the belly photo will come tomorrow my dear. I was occupied last night by a fantastic book and had to be at work late tonight. Plus we have our 12 week appointment tomorrow and it will just be easier to post everything all at once.

Please ignore my last post. =(

The whole "I haven't puked since XXXX" bragging is no longer. Oy vey, it's ok!

The icky news is that I think the Goonie has given me a cavity. I'm constantly sucking on Jolly Ranchers for the nausea and the 1-4 times a day of throwing up can't be helping my tooth enamel...

I go to the dentist next Wednesday, so I hope it's good news. Back in 1998 I had a cavity filled without any pain medication. I can do it again, but would prefer not to if the cavity is deep.

Speaking of cavities, am I the only one who was brainwashed by the public school system in to thinking this is what an actual cavity looks like?

No puking since Wednesday night!

Apparently the magic combo to keeping my food down is to eat pancakes for dinner while watching Wipeout on Tivo.

If you haven't seen Wipeout, it's the American version of MXP which is an Asian (Japanese?) game show where people do hilarious things that often result in a direct hit to the balls. So, apparently pancakes and laughing my ass off is the magic formula!

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend! I'm going to be watching 4 year olds play soccer tomorrow (I'm already giggling at the thought of it) and then having brunch with a few friends.

Week 11

Week 11 stats:Pounds gained to date: -2 lbs

Weeks until my next appointment: 1 week, 1 day
How I am feeling (on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being "dear god, I feel like walking death"): .5. Even with the throwing up, this week is starting off much better than last week!

My only pregnancy complaint

I bet you think it's about puking right? Nope, that I can handle! It's not the puking, it's not the invasive doctor appointments, or even the food aversions -- it's the freaking ACNE!

My face is so broken out that I feel 13. And a lovely side effect of the pregnancy acne is that after being huge, red, and nasty for about a week, the "blemishes" (that word sounds too nice for what they are) turn black. Yes, black. So, not only do I look like a topographical map of the Cascade Mountain range, but I'm also announcing to the world that I'm slowly rotting from the inside starting on my face.

I went to a dermatologist last week for some help. Below is a transcript of the appointment (I mean, as far as I can remember):

Dermatologist: yes, I can see why you're frustrated Sarah, those are some red marks! But, I can't prescribe anything in the pill form for you.
Sarah: Ok, is there anything you can give me that will help?
Dermatologist: Yes, but there are some side effects...
Sarah: Like it will hurt my baby?
Dermatologist: No, worse!
Sarah: Worse that hurting my baby? What could it be doc?
Dermatologist: I don't know how to say this, so I'll have to say it in medical terms. The only topical cream that I can give you smells like Big Foot's nuts.
Sarah: (look of horror)
Dermatologist: And even though it stinks and makes your face look like you're wearing a beard of bees, it might not help in the end.
Sarah: so, you can write me a prescription for that today? Thanks

That is pretty much how I remember the appointment going. The doctor might have a slightly different point of view though...

The nastiest thing ever

I'm at work late for a recruiting event and felt the Goonie again getting angry. I ran to a bathroom I never use because it's on a different floor. I forgot that the toilets in there are automatic flush, and there some um..."splash back" with auto flush toilets. For fark's sake!

I 100% blame this on the deli by my work being out of baked potatoes and forcing my hand at ordering minestrone. Suck it Courtyard Cafe! I'm glad Subway is going in next to you and will likely run you out of business. Guess you shouldn't have been out of baked potatoes huh? Assholes.

Heart rate & blood work update

I had a doctor's appointment today with my old doc. I scheduled it weeks ago before I realized I hated her office. I decided to keep it cause, well...cause!

We went over my bloodwork from a few weeks ago and I'm proud to say that I'm not starting this pregnancy out anemic! I also don't have syphilis, so that is a HUGE load off of my mind...=D

The best part about keeping the appointment was that we got to hear the heartbeat on the doppler! She said it was around 160 which is perfect for me being 11 weeks. At my 7 week appointment it was around 134, so the Goonie is going strong. I thought I heard a little wheezing in the breathing, so Troy will have to show the Goonie when it's born how to use an inhaler...=D

While we were waiting 45 freaking minutes for the doctor, we came up with names for a boy or girl. For a boy, we've chosen "Dragon Hawk", and for a lady Goonie, we're going with "Troyina". Not sure about a middle name for Troyina yet, but Dragon is the first name and Hawk is the middle name.

I realize these might seem a little weird to all of you, but we're in Los Angeles the land of crazy names!*

Also, I'm stuck at work until about 10 pm tonight, so I'll post my 11 week belly photo tomorrow. Cause I know you're all at the edge of your freaking seats right now.

*For anyone who thinks I'm serious about these names needs to learn to read sarcasm!

The cutest thing ever

So I forgot to post this last week, but it's so cute, YOU too might puke a rainbow.

I was on my way over to my super amazing friend Anne's house for dinner, and I got a phone call from her house. It was her (almost) 5 year old Aidan. He wanted to know if my baby would rather watch Diego or Toy Story II. He had heard earlier from his mom that my baby can see and hear, but can't see outside my tummy. He thought it was sad for the baby to not be able to watch the movie with us.

Are you? Are you puking a rainbow yet? Isn't that seriously adorable?

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And a special shout out to my favoritest niece Ashlyn Grace who turns 2 today! Special thanks to all of you who read this blog who said prayers for Ashy when she was a little baby. She had to have heart surgery around 2 months old and it was a very scary time. I'm pleased to announce that you couldn't tell that this little girl has ever had a cold let alone open heart surgery! She's a healthy little spitfire who brings joy to everyone she meets. I love you Ash!:::

Two more things ruined for me now

To set the scene: (Target, West Hollywood, 9:15 am. Our subject is wandering around the aisle with her favorite Jamba Juice in hand)

So there I am in the Target toiletries section, and I could feel the Goonie getting ANGRY. I ran to the bathroom and proceeded to puke for a good 5 min. To be clear, a Jamba Juice is $4.70. WTF Goonie, momma is cheap!

I was feeling very pathetic and sorry for myself so I sent Troy a pitiful text: "babe, I just puked up my Jamba Juice at Target. That was a special kind of nasty". His response: "Sorry boo, you really did puke a rainbow". Puking a rainbow is one of my favorite terms EVER to describe something cute. So, Troy is right, I finally made my favorite saying true.

The rest of the day I felt icky, but to avoid Troy's wrath when he got home from work (joke), I still managed to clean the house. I have a new system: lay on the couch like a whiny mess and watch TV. At commercial I have to get up and clean something. It takes forever to do dishes or vacuum, but it keeps me from getting too sick. Well...that and the chicken corn dogs and ice cream sandwiches I had for lunch...

Goonie, your mom is a GENIUS!

So, call me Columbo - I've figured it out. Nights that I take 2 Tylenol PM (totally safe according to my OB), I wake up feeling good and have a puke free day. Nights that I go "natural" and don't take any PM, I wake up feeling pukey and gross.

So, apparently if I drug my way through the first trimester, I'll be golden. So that's my plan.

Want to see the Goonie?

Ok, so using 2 bad photos of Troy and I, I uploaded them to http://www.makemebabies.com/. Here is the Goonie:

Crappy news from my dad

My dad just called and said that he has to get his other leg amputated. This farking blows. The good news is that he can wait until January until Troy and I are back home. I can stay with mom while he is in the hospital. Since I'm working from home anyway, it doesn't matter WHICH home I'm working from!

In a tribute to my dad's awesome spirit, here is one of my favorite photos of him taken with him wearing a shirt that I got him for Christmas. If the photo is too small it says "I'm just in it for the parking".

Love you Pops!

Week 10 has not started off well

Dear Goonie,

You're kicking my ass. Please stop.

Regards,
Momma

Happy 10th week Goonie!

:::sorry in advance for the formatting on this post. I can't seem to fix it:::

I can't believe it's been 7 weeks and 1 day since we found out that we had been blessed with the Goonie. Time has totally flown!

Today the Goonie turns 10 weeks old. He/she is doing super exciting things like finally losing its tail, producing 250,000 neurons in its brain every minute, and being the size of a small plum. It's a tough job getting smart and being the size of a fruit! The Goonster also is starting to resemble a baby more than an extra from Aliens vs. Predator.

Week 10 stats:
Pounds gained to date: still down -1 lbs (this is Los Angeles everyone. No baby can make ME fat!)

Weeks until my next appointment: 2 weeks, 2 days

How I am feeling (on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being "dear god, I feel like walking death"): 1-ish. I've had a few days of 3+ puking episodes, but I take it all in stride. In a sick way I almost welcome it because it's a sign that all is right with the Goonster. I was feeling so good for so long that I was always a wee bit freaked out. My awesome friend Anne said that I was probably feeling so sick this week because the baby must be going through calf development. If you've seen Troy's freak-calves, it's totally true.

At the photo up above you can start to see a mini bump. It's small, but it's there! I had a dream last night where I woke up today and got HUGE overnight. I was super scared because my boss and other people at work don't know yet so I kept thinking "how on earth will I cover this up"?

Gooniemeister is also creating a disorder on my face that I think is medically referred to as "pizza face". I went to a dermatologist today and she gave me some pregnancy safe stuff that should hopefully clear up my hideousness fairly soon. A bonus of going to this dermatologist is that the main guy (Dr. Ray) from Dr. 90201 on the E channel has his office on the same floor as my doctor. I saw him this am and I have to say - the camera adds about 4 feet, and they must have the "look butch" filter set to "high". This dude was short and super girly looking. He was so small that I almost put him in my purse and ran away. Cause in a few months, the Goonie will need a playmate it's own size!

When god made awesome husbands, he broke the mold for Troy

First, Troy just all around rocks. Like really rocks. He's been wonderful about helping me out if I'm feeling icky, etc. Since in our 4 years of marriage I rarely ask for help even if I feel like a bucket of poo, this is a new experience for both of us. When I had 2nd degree burns on my hands and arms I refused all help.

One of my bestest friends and former roommate Megan, nicknamed Troy "Super boyfriend", "Super fiance" and "Super husband" during the various stages of Troy and my relationship. She hit the nail on the freaking head.

Today he was bored and took a walk up to the mall. During his mall time, he received the following text conversation:

Whiny PG lady: "Hey babe, will you bring me a smoothie from Coral Tree Cafe at the food court? The one with peaches".
Whiny PG lady: "Oh, and some of their vegetable soup please".
Super husband: "Of course sweetie".
Super husband: "They don't have the smoothies".
(insert me crying on the couch)
Super husband: "How about Pinkberry"?
Whiny PG lady: "Ohhhhhh, yay! The Pinkberry smoothie".

I forgot to tell Troy there is an actual smoothie CALLED the Pinkberry smoothie, so bless his heart why he tried to figure that one out.









If you look closely, you can see his halo.

UPDATE (6:36 pm): why he's even more awesome. After lugging home the veggie soup, he didn't even question the fact that I only wanted the broth...