Pretty much all of Los Angeles is on fire right now - there is one about 30 miles to the north of us, 70 miles to the north of us, and 45 miles to the south of us. The skies are very hazy and when you can see the sun it looks like the whole sky is also ablaze. The poor families that are losing their homes and having to deal with this!
Our apartment is old and drafty, and ash is getting in to our little house even with the doors and windows closed. I was grocery shopping and it looked like it was snowing ash! My eyes and throat are burning - I can only imagine how people who are living closer to the fires are feeling.
So it's common knowledge in my family that from birth to about the age of 5, my sister looked just like my dad. Well, thanks to pregnancy, I now look like my dad too! I was plucking my eyebrows with a magnifying mirror and turned it to catch the sun and HOLY FUCK what is that? It was a beard. I have a beard. Thanks to pregnancy hormones, I have this blond peach fuzz along my jaw line. Ok...awesome!
Yesterday I was getting a pedicure and a woman came in to the shop and was trying to sell everyone some fancy medical water. I put my book up to my face and did my best to not even look at her. She came over and asked me what kind of water I currently drink, etc. I said I drink filtered tap and wasn't interested in her product. She pointed to her face and made a circular motion around her face with her finger and said "how long have you had those issues". I was FUMING - who in the hell are you to call me out for being zitty you f'ing bitch? For what it's worth your pants were too tight and you had a camel toe skank.
I told her the was because I was pregnant and had nothing to do with my water. She then said "your baby deserves the best water possible". I said that I would drink whatever my DOCTOR told me to, and if she would like to recommend something else to me I would need to see her medical license.
If my toenails hadn't been wet at that moment, I would have stuck my foot so far up her ass that she would need her own special water to recover.
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4 comments:
wow- that is crazy ballsy of that woman- what a BIATCH. I for one think you look hot, and I am beginning to see some goonie-gut on you! (i know that doesn't SOUND flattering per say- but I like the alliteration and want you to know that goonie-gut is indeed a flattering term)
What nerve that jerkwoman had! I'm sorry she said that to you!
Good luck with the beard; I'm sure it's not that bad :)
good.god. why do people think they can just say whatever the eff they want!?!?! filters, people! what a whorebag wench! i'd have wanted to spit in her face. you're gorgeous!
hahaha...i am laughing out loud!!! that story is hilarious! you crack me up. i miss having you as my kick-ass bodyguard...i mean, neighbor. :-)
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