I'm at a loss and can't stop crying and just feel DEFEATED. At one point today I told Jack I understood parents who shook their babies. I would never ever ever ever harm him, but I understand the desperation that they must be feeling when nothing else is working.
Jack was a good boy when he was happy, but whenever I tried to feed him, he just straight up lost his shit. Every feeding was like a battle with a UFC fighter, but the ref Big John was not there to stop the fight when I tried to tap out.
Jack was arching his back and screaming bloody murder for about half of his feedings today. Naps were a fight but I did get him to take a 2 hr nap which is rare...I think he just gave up after being so tired from screaming despite everything I tried to do. And no, I didn't let him cry it out alone in his crib - he finally fell asleep in my arms after walking around for what felt like an eternity. I took his temp, but he doesn't have a fever. I gave him a little Tylenol because he was acting like he was in so much pain. I haven't given him meds since his circumcision, but I was at a loss for what's wrong with my baby.
Tonight he was in rare form and couldn't be comforted by my boob which is usually a no-brainer. Troy suggested I pump and so I did and then gave Jack a bottle. He calmed down but wanted more, so I tried to put him back on the boob and it was just the same thing all over again. I pumped some more and gave him another bottle which finally knocked him out. Troy was laying on the floor of Jack's room rubbing my legs while I just bawled.
I'm going to call the ped tomorrow because I can't keep going like this. I'm trying to work 50 hrs from home while taking care of a 3 month old and it's just not working when lately every feeding and nap has turned in to a 2 hour fight that I can't win.
I'm just over the feeding fights, and feel like an utter failure. I don't drink, but I may start.