Monday, July 20, 2009

Today I got my ass kicked by a 14 week old

I'm at a loss and can't stop crying and just feel DEFEATED. At one point today I told Jack I understood parents who shook their babies. I would never ever ever ever harm him, but I understand the desperation that they must be feeling when nothing else is working.

Jack was a good boy when he was happy, but whenever I tried to feed him, he just straight up lost his shit. Every feeding was like a battle with a UFC fighter, but the ref Big John was not there to stop the fight when I tried to tap out.

Jack was arching his back and screaming bloody murder for about half of his feedings today. Naps were a fight but I did get him to take a 2 hr nap which is rare...I think he just gave up after being so tired from screaming despite everything I tried to do. And no, I didn't let him cry it out alone in his crib - he finally fell asleep in my arms after walking around for what felt like an eternity. I took his temp, but he doesn't have a fever. I gave him a little Tylenol because he was acting like he was in so much pain. I haven't given him meds since his circumcision, but I was at a loss for what's wrong with my baby.

Tonight he was in rare form and couldn't be comforted by my boob which is usually a no-brainer. Troy suggested I pump and so I did and then gave Jack a bottle. He calmed down but wanted more, so I tried to put him back on the boob and it was just the same thing all over again. I pumped some more and gave him another bottle which finally knocked him out. Troy was laying on the floor of Jack's room rubbing my legs while I just bawled.

I'm going to call the ped tomorrow because I can't keep going like this. I'm trying to work 50 hrs from home while taking care of a 3 month old and it's just not working when lately every feeding and nap has turned in to a 2 hour fight that I can't win.

I'm just over the feeding fights, and feel like an utter failure. I don't drink, but I may start.

5 comments:

Erica said...

OMG! Wow, this sounds familliar! ASHLYN WOULD NOT BREASTFEED, no matter how hard I tried. She would Arch her back and just scream bloody murder! When I went to the lactation person (I thought she was latching on wrong, or wasn't getting enough milk)she said that my milk might let down too fast. Plus, we had to feed Ash with a bottle after her surgery, so she really liked her bottle....so I just pumped EVERY 2 hours for 10 long months! At least she was getting my breast milk, even if she wasn't attatched to the spout! I know how you feel, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

flojat said...

Oh, you poor thing! I don't have any helpful advice, but I know you're an amazing mama. Hopefully the little guy will sort this out ASAP!

Tammy Spence said...

Sniffer, u are such a great mama. I have felt like that too. Post what your doc said.
Love u

Connie said...

wow, Sarah, I wonder what is up with Jack? I know exactly what you mean about his fussiness when trying to feed. Your Mom and I experienced the same thing last Friday when bottle-feeding him. He acted like he was choking on the milk...so, perhaps it was coming out too fast?? I want to know what your Ped said.
Hang in there, you're not alone...many mothers have had the same frustrations. Call me if you want me to come over and help.
Love you,
GAC

The Shaughnessy's said...

Could be that it is hot? I remember going through that at one point and I was crying, she was crying it was just horrible. I had to just put her in her crib because I need an emotional break. Maybe he had a little tummy ache by the fart/poo he made. Plus of course when you feel stressed he feels your tension. Sometimes just putting them on a blanket and letting them chill is the route to go.