The top 10 things no one ever tells you about breastfeeding

10. Breastfeeding is the most unnatural natural thing in the world. Baby has a mouth that fits a nipple and you have a nipple. Seems like it should go together right? Not so

9. You can do EVERYTHING right and it can still hurt like a son of a bitch at times

8. There are more books, products, and services catering to your boobs that you would ever know

7. You start to feel like a cow after about 4 days. Your child looks at you as a meal and is constantly touching your boobs, other people's boobs, etc

6. Your boobs lose all sexuality. You really don't care who sees them. It's like someone wanting to look at your pizza; it's all utility

5. The first time you spray your kid in the face, it startles them but makes you laugh your ass off

4. You can spend your whole adult life whining about your small little B cups. Then you get D's, and miss your cute little boobs

3. You have to think "how can I stick a kid's head in there discreetly" while shopping for shirts

2. It is possible to pump blood. And yes, it's as creepy as you would think

1. The first time your kid falls asleep on your boob and smiles with the nipple still in their mouth, all of the above becomes worth it