A letter to my unborn son

Dear Jack,

This is my letter to you as your loving mother who is extremely excited to meet you soon!

1) Your hiccups are adorable for about 5 minutes, but after 90 minutes, they start to feel uncomfortable.
2) You must be flexible (unlike your parents) to prop yourself up on your elbows while sticking your butt up in my rib cage! I'm impressed.
3) You have NO IDEA how much everyone in our lives loves you already, and you're not even born. You better come out ready to be adored and spoiled and:
a) know how to use tools and shoot guns with your dad (seriously, he already has your tool belt purchased and has his eye on a little gun belt)
b) know how to fish with your Grandpa John
c) know how to golf with your Grandpa Barry
d) know which nickname you want to give to your Aunties since they have the exact same name
4) Mommy and daddy love you unconditionally, but would prefer that you lead a clean and Christian life. We understand everyone makes mistakes, and we'll be here for you regardless, but living a clean life makes things much easier!
5) Mommy's love of Daniel Craig and Jon Stewart, in NO WAY diminishes her love for daddy
6) Mommy & daddy will always kiss your boo boos and give you hugs when you need them. ANYTIME. ANYWHERE.
7) While we'll love you unconditionally, we reserve the right to make fun of you if you decide to be goth or emo in Jr high. If your hair gets too long and I have to buy you a flat iron, I reserve the right to call you a little hippy freeloader.
8) Mommy will give you haircuts until you firmly request to see a professional. I've been cutting dad's hair for 6+ years and it saves a lot of money. Which leads me to:
9) Mommy is CHEAP and a hippy. She will buy you stuff from garage sales and thrift stores, but she'll also buy you new stuff from the store when you need it (if it's on sale of course).
10) Mommy strives to be very "green" and will constantly remind you that paper doesn't below in the garbage. Just ask your dad...
11) Daddy and Mommy can't wait until you're here and to love you forever. That being said, please hold out a few more weeks since we're so not ready for your arrival. Your crib is in a box, and we don't have anything else we "need" (like diapers!) quite yet.
12) I haven't even met you yet, and I already will kill anyone if they hurt you. Daddy has guns, and mommy knows how to use them.

xoxo,
Mom & Dad

PS, even though your official name is Jack Barry, I will occasionally refer to you as Jack Bauer while putting a tiny messanger bag on you, and forcing you to call "Chloe" on your toy phone. It's gonna happen - be prepared.