My dear little man,
You and I need to have a chat about two things: sleep & manners.
Sleep: I understand that you think it's SO funny to get up and play at any point between 1 and 5 am and wake me up with a "Jack Attack"*. I don't know why you want me to have to sleep on the couch because you're so wiggly. Get it out of your system now, because when you're here Mom and Dad would like SOME sleep at some point.
Manners: I get it, you like funny things. But kicking mommy's new friend Sloshy off of her belly over and over and over is NOT funny (ok, it kind of is). Do you not like being warm and toasty? Do you want mom's belly and ribs to hurt from your constant kicking? Please refrain from launching things of my stomach!
*Jack Attack (a verb): The fetal art of impersonating James Brown impersonating a cheerleader who is in turn impersonating Michael Phelps